Unlearning Helplessness

Can we UNLEARN helplessness? 

Passing out is not fun. I watched while the technician prepared her equipment. She was calm, careful, and there was only the slightest prick as the needle entered my vein. I hoped that this MMR titer* would prove that I was already immune so I would not need a vaccination to attend college. I was in my early 30’s, a seasoned Waldorf teacher, and ... staunchly anti-vax. ❌

I vaguely recall telling the phlebotomist that I was feeling woozy so she removed the needle just in time. I passed out cold and don’t remember transitioning to the ER. I came-to on a stretcher where a kind nurse was talking to me about the parasympathetic nervous system as if I understood what she was saying. 🤪

Exploring the mechanisms of helplessness continues. (If you missed last week, you might want to read this first Helplessness: Learned or Automatic?)

The dogs in Seligman’s early experiments became immobilized by tortuous shocks, even when an exit was available. Countless human beings - myself included - are rendered passive by controlling tactics employed by cultic groups. We can stay, sometimes for years. Decades. 

It’s now widely understood that the kind of helplessness that occurs as a result of consistent, severe, adversity is an involuntary, biological response. “Passivity … is … the default response to prolonged aversive events and it is mediated by the serotonergic activity of the dorsal raphe nucleus, which in turn inhibits escape.”*

I’m pretty sure that my doctor 👩🏽‍⚕️ would assure me there’s no link between passing out from my MMR titer 30 years ago and the fact that I stayed glued to my ex teacher for 18 years. But I no longer take someone's word as gospel just because they’re in a position of authority. My gut tells me tokeep exploring. 

I’m pretty sure the first time I learned anything about the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) was in the ER that day. I must have indicated to the nurse I wanted to understand what had just happened to me because she kept talking. The gist of her words have stayed with me all these years:  When the PSN system overrides the sympathetic nervous system… blood pressure drops suddenly..This kind nurse taught me how we faint. She went on to advise me to be very careful whenever I needed to have my blood drawn. “The best way to avoid passing out is to lay horizontally and to move very slowly.” 

All this prompted a new behavior: at a blood draw, tell the phlebotomist my passing out story and ask them to tilt the chair back. They are always eager to accommodate this request. For the next two decades, I reclined for any blood work. Afterwards, when the chair was moved back to upright position, I moved slowly and had eye contact with the technician when I stood up. I liked the attention. 😉

Leaving the cult changed my life in profound ways but until today, it never occurred to me that it also helped me to break that ‘helpless’ behavior. 

One day, post cult, I decided to challenge myself. I told the technician that I usually required being horizontal but I wasn’t sure if I still needed to. She was game for letting me try. I didn’t faint. ‼️ Since that day, I sit like a normal person to have my blood drawn. 🙃

Did engaging my prefrontal cortex - by thinking, talking, and journaling about my newly freed post-cult brain - help me overcome 20 years of programming that was sparked by an adverse bodily response? What do you think❓

Last week, I asked a question about whether or not the written word could help us in the process of unlearning automatic, fear induced, helpless behaviors. My friend and colleague 🌟 Nicola Ranson - who is also a trauma therapist and cult survivor - replied to that question this way: 

“What can help is safety, support, connection - and in that context words start to help as we make sense of things and the prefrontal cortex comes on line.” 

As I continue to befriend my own nervous system, I’m beginning to trust its inherent wisdom and its inherent responses to keep me safe. 

AND I know that I am not fragile. I am not helpless. I am resilient. 

I’d love to hear your experiences of overcoming helplessness. 

Just reply via the comments below!

Gerette

PS I hope you will take a moment to meet Nicola Ranson. Her memoir will be published in 2026 and it will be worth the wait!

*MMR = Measles, Mumps and Rubella

**That quote came from this study. (Yes - it’s the same one I used last week.)